Another Sobriety Blog is Born
Had I written the inaugural post for this blog a couple of days ago, it would have been one word long:
Help.
Had I written it a week ago, it would have been slightly longer. Something like:
I don't always avoid drunkenness. But when I do, it's because I only have one drink an hour. Every hour. Six hours a night.
Had I written it two weeks ago, it might have been an accounting of the bargaining I did with God while sitting in a port-a-john the morning before getting ready to run a marathon. "Just let me run this race the way I want to, and I'll quit drinking. Well, I'll quit drinking whiskey. I mean, on weekdays."
But I'm writing it today, 21 hours after my last drink and with a fuller awareness than I've had in a long, long time of how badly I need to stop.
Because since that bargaining session, I have not gone 24 hours without booze.
Because in the last week, in addition to slowly sustaining a perfect buzz with five or six drinks a night, I have, in fact, gotten drunk a couple of times.
Because since I decided a couple of days ago that I needed to ask for help from my friends, my family, and whoever is listening in the online recovery community, I have continued to drink, even as I have devoured hundreds of blog posts about sober living.
I'm writing this blog for me, as a way to organize and record and own my experiences in recovery. But I'm also writing it for anyone else who benefits from responding to or from issuing on their own behalf that same one-word plea:
Help.
Help.
Had I written it a week ago, it would have been slightly longer. Something like:
I don't always avoid drunkenness. But when I do, it's because I only have one drink an hour. Every hour. Six hours a night.
Had I written it two weeks ago, it might have been an accounting of the bargaining I did with God while sitting in a port-a-john the morning before getting ready to run a marathon. "Just let me run this race the way I want to, and I'll quit drinking. Well, I'll quit drinking whiskey. I mean, on weekdays."
But I'm writing it today, 21 hours after my last drink and with a fuller awareness than I've had in a long, long time of how badly I need to stop.
Because since that bargaining session, I have not gone 24 hours without booze.
Because in the last week, in addition to slowly sustaining a perfect buzz with five or six drinks a night, I have, in fact, gotten drunk a couple of times.
Because since I decided a couple of days ago that I needed to ask for help from my friends, my family, and whoever is listening in the online recovery community, I have continued to drink, even as I have devoured hundreds of blog posts about sober living.
I'm writing this blog for me, as a way to organize and record and own my experiences in recovery. But I'm also writing it for anyone else who benefits from responding to or from issuing on their own behalf that same one-word plea:
Help.
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